Flute Question

A lot of people have been asking me why I'm not learning to play my new flute. Well here's the secret and why I bought it:

It's so when I'm at a gig and the band director says, "Yo, you got a flute?"

I can say, "Yeah. Yeah I do. Now how's about I kick your ass?"

Drug Dealers Suck

So I was walking down the street and this bum came up to me and asked, "You want some drugs, dude?"

So me, being polite as always, told him no thanks.

"This shit's cheap, yo," said the bum. He pulled out some wooden box and opened it up. There were some needles and baggies of white stuff (marijuana or pcp or something, I don't do that shit) and there was some wadded up cash.

"No thanks, dude."

I tried to walk by the guy, but he stepped in front of me, "Seriously, it's real cheap."

So I took some of the needles from the box and jabbed them into his arm. The pussy fell down and I stepped over him. He must've been real pissed because when I looked back there was foam coming out of his mouth.

But seriously, what's with bums?

Oh, and I Forgot...

I forgot about Alanis Morissette.

Kick Da' Curb

So me and my pal, Ron, were out front playing kick da curb, today. So you know, we start going at it, first one to crack the concrete curb by the road wins. And then I hear this thud. So I turn around, and there's Ron laying on the ground holding his foot. We take him to the emergency room and find that he managed to shatter all those little bones in his foot. What an asshole.

Spam E-mail Out of Control

I don't know what's going on, but my spam message per day rate went up at least 500% (an increase from 2 to 10) in the past couple days. It's bullshit. I was so fucking pissed I took my monitor and threw it out my window from the third floor.

Well, actually, I guess I'm not very strong because it bounced off the window and onto the floor. I picked it up and lost my ambition. Then I plugged it back in and wrote this.

Goodnight.

ANTS!!!

OH FUCKING GOD DAMN IT! WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE ANTS ALL OVER MY COMPUTER?

Skateboards

I almost joined a skateboard gang, today. I was riding to school on my skateboard that I had finally brought down when some kid came out of no where and threw me off. I was like what the shit.

So I ask him, "What the shit, man?"

"Our turf," he says through a squeeky voice. He must've been 15 or so.

So I says to him "Shit, I is just headin' to schoo', yo."

"Then you gotta pay the toll," he said.

So I uppercut him in the jaw. Ain't no one gonna demand toll from me with a broken jaw.

Then some people closer to my age rode in on skateboards. The leader, who was wearing tight leather pants and a leather jacket kicked his skateboard up into his hand. "Hey, that was tight. This roads been closed to us for months. You wanna roll with us?"

"Shit," I says to him, "M-K rolls alone."

Two-Sided Underwear

So when I took a piss today, around noon, I had a problem: I had put my underwear on backwards AGAIN! Jesus Christ. Is it me? No. So I was thinking, you know, how can we fix this problem? Well, why don't we just make mens' underwear so that both sides can act as the front? How much easier would it be to get dressed, too?

So tonight I plan on brushing up on my sewing skills, and tomorrow I will make some prototypes and see how they work.