Fortune Cookie

The fortune cookie read:

The things that you hate will have to wait,
for the things that you fear are already here.

Lucky Numbers 0 0 0 0 0 0

Standing Cat

Here's something while we have the cat theme going. Thanks Mike T.

Clint Malarchuck

In light of the NHL playoffs, here's a video that Ian sent me a long time ago.

JCVD

Thanks to James for this amazing moment in cinema history.



... and thanks to Zac for this one.

Max 2.1

“Five more shots of Tequila,” the waitress confirmed as she started setting them down in front of us. The last one she placed in front of an empty chair where two more shots already stood. “Your friend’s going to have his work cut out for him.”

We all laughed. “You know he is!” Janette yelled.

Ryan raised his glass. “To Max!” We followed suit, took the shots, and after a good amount of coughing and complaining finally settled down.

“So where the fuck is Max, anyway?” Janette asked.

The rest of us exchanged looks of ignorance until Ryan finally offered to call him. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said.

“Hey!” Sarah called after him, “Tell him I’m going to kick his butt.”

“That’ll make him want to come,” I laughed.

Sarah laughed, too. “He don’t want to know what’s going to happen to him if he doesn’t come out.”

The next ten or so minutes passed in such wildly entertaining, and possibly slightly drunken conversation that no one immediately noticed when Ryan returned. Sarah was the first to realize this. “Hey,” she said, “Did you get a hold of that dick?”

Ryan took a long draught from his lager. “I don’t know.”

“What the hell do you mean you don’t know,” Sarah said in a voice much louder than necessary, looking around to observe our amused faces.

“I guess he wasn’t there,” Ryan said.

“Come on,” I added. “He’s either there or he isn’t.”

“Well,” Ryan explained, “I called a few times, and each time the line picked up I heard this—I don’t know—Like moaning or groaning or something.”

Janette laughed. “Max is Get. Ting. Laid!”

Ryan shook his head. “No, it was more like—how to explain… Think Frankenstein.”

“Kinky!” My comment bred further laughter from the group.

“No,” Ryan said again, apparently finding no humor in our shenanigans. “Like this dull humming thing. I mean, like, I don’t know. Maybe someone should go check on him.”

“I ain’t driving nowhere!” Sarah cried, “You hear me, sister?” Janette heard her, and signified her understanding with an enthusiastic high-five.

The night wore on, and just after the fifth shot had been delivered Max finally made his appearance.

The Police - Roxanne

That's right!

Breakdance!

This is awesome. Notice at the end when he does pushups with his feet off the ground. (According to Emily these are called planges).

Max 2

“So where the fuck is Max?” Janette asked.

The rest of us exchanged looks of ignorance until Ryan finally offered to call him. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said.

“Hey!” Sarah called after him, “Tell him I’m going to kick his ass.”

“That’ll make him want to come,” I laughed.

Sarah laughed, too. “He don’t want to know what’s going to happen to him if he doesn’t come.”

The next ten or so minutes passed in such wildly entertaining, and possibly slightly drunken conversation that no one immediately noticed when Ryan returned. Sarah was the first to realize this. “Hey,” she said, “Did you get a hold of that dick?”

Ryan took a long draught from his lager. “I don’t know.”

“What the hell do you mean you don’t know,” Sarah said in a voice much louder than necessary, looking around to observe our amused faces.

“I guess he wasn’t there,” Ryan said.

“Come on,” I added. “He’s either there or he isn’t.”

“Well,” Ryan explained, “I called a few times, and each time the line picked up I heard this—I don’t know—Like moaning or groaning or something.”

Janette laughed. “Max is Get. Ting. Laid!”

Ryan shook his head. “No, it was more like—how to explain… Think Frankenstein.”

“Kinky!” I brought more laughs from the others.

“No,” Ryan said again, apparently finding no humor in our shenanigans. “Like this dull humming thing. I mean, like, I don’t know. Maybe someone should go check on him.”

“I ain’t driving nowhere!” Sarah cried, “You hear me, sister?” Janette heard her, and signified her understanding with an enthusiastic high-five.

National High Five Day 2007

Thanks to Sarah A. for the heads up on this one! For me, though, every day is high five day.

Tattoo Ideas

Phoenix - Embodies ideas of development and rebirth. I no longer believe in having to be destroyed to become better. Perhaps another symbol of development is out there for me.

Bar code - Makes some statement about society, but I'd be doing it just to be funny. People would more likely consider it a statement about society, though.

Fetal Steve - I do owe a lot to Fetal Steve, and he is a strong candidate.

Maxwell's Equations - Yeah right.

This side up arrow - Too stupid.

Max Story

“So where the fuck is Max?” Janette asked.

The rest of exchanged looks of ignorance until Ryan finally offered to call him. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said.

“Hey!” Sarah called after him, “Tell him I’m going to kick his ass.”

“That’ll make him want to come,” I laughed.

Sarah laughed, too. “He don’t want to know what’s going to happen to him if he doesn’t come.”

The Best Damn Band in the Land

Just like the title says.

Rechargeable Batteries

Diane: You’re buying regular batteries?
Ross: Yeah, why not?
Diane: Why don’t you buy rechargeable batteries?
Ross: I don’t have a charger, duh!
Diane: Why don’t you buy one?
Ross: Why don’t you shut up?
Diane: Seriously, Ross, you could save a lot of money.
Ross: Diane, money is no object to me.
Diane: Oh, is that why you couldn’t afford to go to the movies with me last week?
Ross: You’re missing the point.
Diane: What’s the point, then?
Ross: I don’t want to buy rechargeable batteries.
Diane: You can’t just throw batteries away, you know. They hurt the environment.
Ross: Ok, I didn’t want to have to think about this, but five years ago, right, my grandmother who always used rechargeable batteries was doing some cross-stitch, ok? Right beside her were some batteries recharging. You know what, one of them exploded and now she’s blind.
Diane: You made that up.
Ross: Well, it could have happened. Besides, rechargeable batteries don’t last forever, anyways.
Diane: They last longer than regular batteries.
Ross: Ok, well I don’t have to deal with the hassles of recharging them.
Diane: All you do is plug them in!
Ross: (Mockingly) All you do is plug them in! Do you realize what I could do with that time?
Diane: Well, it certainly doesn’t take longer than going to the store and buying new ones.
Ross: Yes it does.
Diane: No. It doesn’t.
Ross: Look, I just like buying new things, ok?
Diane: Fine.

Party Dog

Just like real life. Searched for "dog vomit sex."

One More Rapcat

Rap Cat: Epilogue

Go Here!

Jim Gaffigan

One time I was close enough to him to touch his crotch!

Seven Steps to Heaven

Did I hear someone say Stan Getz?

Fuck, Beaten

Rachel beat me to Chameleon. Oh well, here's some Stevie Wonder.

KC and the Sunshine Band - Shake Your Booty

Rachel posted some Earth, Wind & Fire Somewhere in Middle America, so I'm posting some good ol' KC and the Sunshine Band.

Indian Thriller?

Well.... OK...

Maui

It's good to be me.

Sunday Night Special

Here is a delightful surprise I found in the alley behind my house.