OkCupid

All right, so I've used this dating website called OkCupid on and off for a while with a little success. Unfortunately, because people out here on Maui live in caves and depend on an intricate network of yarn and tin cans to communicate (which doesn't provide an adequate bandwidth for internets), OkCupid has become useless. That is, except for entertainment.

After some interesting discussion with my good friend Ed, I've decided to just go around and be a general jackass to people. I know it's not original, but it's a good exercise nonetheless. I'll be logging the highlights here for my own amusement.

Here's my current profile that I'm not afraid to say I'm a bit proud of:

My self-summary

A wise man once said think up and down while moving left and right. People would ask, but what about forward and back, and he would say, "Well, that is up to you." Those are the words I live by. I don't really know what they mean, so trying to live by them is rather difficult. I just have to take it day by day.

I consider myself somewhat liberal, and I don't believe the media is liberally biased. I am a dog person, but I like cats too! Don't ask me about either of these things, please.

When the days are long I don't get much done. When the days are short, it's usually because I slept for so long.

I'm putting sleep here because I don't imagine many people are interested in slept.

Sometimes I like to smoke cigarettes, other times I like to drink coffee. Most of the time I do neither of these things.

My personality awards

What I'm doing with my life

I done graduated college, and somehow I ended up on Maui. While can't say exactly what I do, I'll just lie and say I build robots.

I'm really good at

I'm really good at getting flat tires, and because of this I've gotten really good at changing tires. I wouldn't say I'm an expert, but I bet I could hold my own on a pit crew in Indianapolis. Just last night I had this crazy dream where Dale Earnhardt came to me as an angel and said solemnly "Had you only been on my team... had you only been on my team." I cried a little as he climbed up onto his saddle and rode off toward the sunset on his triceratops.

I'm pretty good at shooting targets with a pistol, honest! In my hayday (last year) I made it up to the NRA sanctioned ranked of Sharpshooter Bar 9. The art of pistol shooting, for me anyway, is a relaxing and meditative experience. Perhaps this is because I fire exclusively from traditional yoga positions.

Oh, I play saxophone, too.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me

Now that I've thought about this question more thoroughly I'd say that what people first notice about me depends on the context.

For example, when I'm jogging people probably think, "He's fast!"

When I'm on the highway I think the first thing that comes to people's minds is, "Holy shit, there's a dude walking around on the highway!"

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

(A) 1984, American Gods

(B) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Donnie Darko, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Layer Cake

(C) Coltrane, Michael Brecker, Pink Floyd, Ekoostik Hookah

(D) Steak, Pie, But definitely not Steak Pie

The six things I could never do without

In the words of Don Redman, "A man needs only three things: Something to eat, somewhere to sleep, and someone to fuck."

If I double those, that gives me two things to eat, two places to sleep, and two people to fuck.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

This question is best answered by distinguished scholar William Alston.

"Think long. Think hard. Don't think about last night."

On a typical Friday night I am

Look for me at a bar! Wooo.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit here

I listen to Bjork. I'm also attracted to her. X-O

You should message me if

Hey, message me! Just don't ask me about those things that I asked you not to ask me about. Thanks.