Sunday, April 29, 2007
Fortune Cookie
The things that you hate will have to wait,
for the things that you fear are already here.
Lucky Numbers 0 0 0 0 0 0
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Max 2.1
“Five more shots of Tequila,” the waitress confirmed as she started setting them down in front of us. The last one she placed in front of an empty chair where two more shots already stood. “Your friend’s going to have his work cut out for him.”
We all laughed. “You know he is!” Janette yelled.
Ryan raised his glass. “To Max!” We followed suit, took the shots, and after a good amount of coughing and complaining finally settled down.
“So where the fuck is Max, anyway?” Janette asked.
The rest of us exchanged looks of ignorance until Ryan finally offered to call him. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said.
“Hey!” Sarah called after him, “Tell him I’m going to kick his butt.”
“That’ll make him want to come,” I laughed.
Sarah laughed, too. “He don’t want to know what’s going to happen to him if he doesn’t come out.”
The next ten or so minutes passed in such wildly entertaining, and possibly slightly drunken conversation that no one immediately noticed when Ryan returned. Sarah was the first to realize this. “Hey,” she said, “Did you get a hold of that dick?”
Ryan took a long draught from his lager. “I don’t know.”
“What the hell do you mean you don’t know,” Sarah said in a voice much louder than necessary, looking around to observe our amused faces.
“I guess he wasn’t there,” Ryan said.
“Come on,” I added. “He’s either there or he isn’t.”
“Well,” Ryan explained, “I called a few times, and each time the line picked up I heard this—I don’t know—Like moaning or groaning or something.”
Janette laughed. “Max is Get. Ting. Laid!”
Ryan shook his head. “No, it was more like—how to explain… Think Frankenstein.”
“Kinky!” My comment bred further laughter from the group.
“No,” Ryan said again, apparently finding no humor in our shenanigans. “Like this dull humming thing. I mean, like, I don’t know. Maybe someone should go check on him.”
“I ain’t driving nowhere!” Sarah cried, “You hear me, sister?” Janette heard her, and signified her understanding with an enthusiastic high-five.
The night wore on, and just after the fifth shot had been delivered Max finally made his appearance.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Breakdance!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Max 2
“So where the fuck is Max?” Janette asked.
The rest of us exchanged looks of ignorance until Ryan finally offered to call him. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said.
“Hey!” Sarah called after him, “Tell him I’m going to kick his ass.”
“That’ll make him want to come,” I laughed.
Sarah laughed, too. “He don’t want to know what’s going to happen to him if he doesn’t come.”
The next ten or so minutes passed in such wildly entertaining, and possibly slightly drunken conversation that no one immediately noticed when Ryan returned. Sarah was the first to realize this. “Hey,” she said, “Did you get a hold of that dick?”
Ryan took a long draught from his lager. “I don’t know.”
“What the hell do you mean you don’t know,” Sarah said in a voice much louder than necessary, looking around to observe our amused faces.
“I guess he wasn’t there,” Ryan said.
“Come on,” I added. “He’s either there or he isn’t.”
“Well,” Ryan explained, “I called a few times, and each time the line picked up I heard this—I don’t know—Like moaning or groaning or something.”
Janette laughed. “Max is Get. Ting. Laid!”
Ryan shook his head. “No, it was more like—how to explain… Think Frankenstein.”
“Kinky!” I brought more laughs from the others.
“No,” Ryan said again, apparently finding no humor in our shenanigans. “Like this dull humming thing. I mean, like, I don’t know. Maybe someone should go check on him.”
“I ain’t driving nowhere!” Sarah cried, “You hear me, sister?” Janette heard her, and signified her understanding with an enthusiastic high-five.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
National High Five Day 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Tattoo Ideas
Bar code - Makes some statement about society, but I'd be doing it just to be funny. People would more likely consider it a statement about society, though.
Fetal Steve - I do owe a lot to Fetal Steve, and he is a strong candidate.
Maxwell's Equations - Yeah right.
This side up arrow - Too stupid.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Max Story
The rest of exchanged looks of ignorance until Ryan finally offered to call him. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said.
“Hey!” Sarah called after him, “Tell him I’m going to kick his ass.”
“That’ll make him want to come,” I laughed.
Sarah laughed, too. “He don’t want to know what’s going to happen to him if he doesn’t come.”
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Rechargeable Batteries
Ross: Yeah, why not?
Diane: Why don’t you buy rechargeable batteries?
Ross: I don’t have a charger, duh!
Diane: Why don’t you buy one?
Ross: Why don’t you shut up?
Diane: Seriously, Ross, you could save a lot of money.
Ross: Diane, money is no object to me.
Diane: Oh, is that why you couldn’t afford to go to the movies with me last week?
Ross: You’re missing the point.
Diane: What’s the point, then?
Ross: I don’t want to buy rechargeable batteries.
Diane: You can’t just throw batteries away, you know. They hurt the environment.
Ross: Ok, I didn’t want to have to think about this, but five years ago, right, my grandmother who always used rechargeable batteries was doing some cross-stitch, ok? Right beside her were some batteries recharging. You know what, one of them exploded and now she’s blind.
Diane: You made that up.
Ross: Well, it could have happened. Besides, rechargeable batteries don’t last forever, anyways.
Diane: They last longer than regular batteries.
Ross: Ok, well I don’t have to deal with the hassles of recharging them.
Diane: All you do is plug them in!
Ross: (Mockingly) All you do is plug them in! Do you realize what I could do with that time?
Diane: Well, it certainly doesn’t take longer than going to the store and buying new ones.
Ross: Yes it does.
Diane: No. It doesn’t.
Ross: Look, I just like buying new things, ok?
Diane: Fine.