Van de Graff Renovator

The other students pointed towards her with her long hair. "Her hair will be awesome," they said.

"All right, all right," she laughed and parted through the crowd. She stepped up onto the rubber matts and put her hand on the cold, metallic sphere.

"You ready," the professor asked.

"Hit me!" she said.

The professor flipped the switch and a low hum buzzed from the machine. Slowly but surely her hair began to levitate into what I can only describe as the weirdest afro anyone had ever seen.

Meanwhile, all I could do was stare at her cleavage so readily exposed by her low cut V-neck.

And then she looked at me with disgust and asked, "Is it standing up down there?"

IT WAS!!!

Van de Graff Generator

The other students pointed towards me with my long hair. "His hair will be awesome," they said.

"All right, all right," I laughed and parted through the crowd. I stepped up onto the rubber matts and put my hand on the cold, metallic sphere.

"You ready," the professor asked.

"Hit me!" I said.

The professor flipped the switch and a low hum buzzed from the machine. Slowly but surely my hair began to levitate into what I can only imagine was the weirdest afro anyone had ever seen.

And then one of the students asked, "Is it standing up down there, too?"

IT WAS!!!

The Magic Entity

The Magic Entity is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. It is all and nothing, and yet somehow, each and everything in between. The Magic Entity can see through walls, through worlds, and through you. When The Magic Entity sees something it may like what it sees, but it really doesn't care. The Magic Entity cares about the outcome of sports, but not enough to buy a jersey.

When The Magic Entity smiles, The World smiles back. When The Magic Entity frowns, The World burns and life is extinguished.

Harriet Tubman

As she was leading a group of men through the underground railroad, one of them asked, "May I touch your breasticles?"

She replied, ""Hell no, you can't touch my breasticles!"

Experiment 1.1

This is experiment 1, conducted by Doctor Hoover L. Rogers.

Two subjects were found at Almoria Park, downtown. The time of capture was around 10:30 pm EST, well after park closing hours (8:00 pm). The subjects, one male and one female, were holding hands and talking when we found them. They were subdued by swift, humane blows to the cranium, and promptly transported to the testing room in our laboratory where they were to be held.

The male was a 5’11’’ Caucasian, approximately 160 pounds, with light brown hair and brown eyes. An examination of his photo ID reveal his age to be 25. For our purposes, we will call him John.

The female, also Caucasian, stood 5’7’’ tall, weighed 145 pounds, with blond hair and green eyes. Her ID indicated that she was 23 years of age. We will call her Jane.

Further examination of possessions and clothing seem to indicate they are both of upper-middle class descent. A list of these possessions is available upon request.

Rap Cat

Thanks to Mike T for sending this to me.

Funky Sea, Funky Dew

One of my regrets is that I'll never see Michael Brecker perform live.

Octavius 9:5

"To turn to another point. The notoriety of the stories told of the initiation of new recruits is matched by their ghastly horror. A young baby is covered over with flour, the object being to deceive the unwary. It is then served before the person to be admitted into their rites. The recruit is urged to inflict blows onto it--they appear to be harmless because of the covering of flour. Thus the baby is killed with wounds that remain unseen and concealed. It is the blood of this infant--I shudder to mention it--it is this blood that they lick with thirsty lips; these are the limbs they distribute eagerly; this is the victim by which they seal their covenant; it is by complicity in this crime they are pledged to mutual silence; these are their rites, more foul than all sacrileges combined."

Kiss

Her lips were so soft. The kiss left me paralized.

He

The cold bit into his wounded skin, but he trudged forward nonetheless. How the hell did I get the short straw, he thought. On the first draw, even! The cuts were deep all over his body, consisting of pairs of crossed lines that stood for the cross. The one on his head dripped down into his eyes, requiring him to wipe it off with his hands frequently.

When he reached the summit and looked down into the molten inards of the Earth, he took out three small candles and placed one on his left and right, and the other behind him. As the heat rose up his pores began to leak sweat that found its way into his wounds, a stinging reminder of his task. He clasped his hands and bowed his head. "Holy one, Greatest of the Greats, Proconsul of the Cosmos, Destroyer of Worlds, Supreme Architect of the Heavens, to you I give my flesh. And if you so desire it, to you I give my eternal soul in exchange for the power to vanquish our enemies." He opened his eyes and threw the candles into the volcano causing a gush of flames and an earth-shaking boom.

When he jumped into the hole, a miraculous thing happened. The lava cooled instantly and he landed mangled, but still alive, on the floor twenty feet down. A voice sounded in his ear, hissing like a snake, "You are not a worthy sacrifice. You give your life reluctantly."

The rock heated up, turned to lava and consumed him as he screamed to his death.

Experiment 1.0

This is experiment 1, conducted by Doctor Hoover L. Rogers.

Hypothesis: Given the choice to remain in confinement with one other subject, or freedom by killing the other subject, fifty percent of the time the they will kill the other subject.

Method: Two people are placed in a 10x10x10 white room with smooth walls except for a door. Before entering they are told that they will be released only when the other is dead. Food and vitamins are admitted through a sliding panel in the door and water is available upon request. Cameras are placed behind one-way mirrors at several locations to observe the subjects.

Dream Invasion I

Before visiting the dreams of others you must first learn to leave your own dreamworld. Step one, and possibly the most difficult part, is to realize that you are dreaming. This is most easily accomplished by practicing common lucid dream techniques called reality checks. One such check is to look at your watch, look away and look back again. In dreams the times will be drastically different. Another check is to stare at your hands and try to make them melt away. By habitually performing these tasks in waking life, you will naturally perform them in the dream world where you will suddenly become aware of your surroundings.

Solution

They require a whale solution.

Problem

These are whale people with whale problems.

The Martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicitas 21

And immediately as the contest was coming to a close a leopard was let loose, and after one bite Saturus was so drenched with blood that as he came away the mob roared in witness to his second baptism: "Well washed! Well washed!" For well washed indeed was one who had been bathed in this manner.

Pee Pee

How many people in the world are peeing right now?

So how often do I pee every day? Maybe 6 times? And we can say that I pee for 30 seconds at a time. If I represent the average person then that means that the average person spends 180 seconds, or 3 minutes a day peeing.

6 minutes is .1 hours, so 3 minutes is .05 hours. So .05/24 is the fraction of the day. This is 5/2400. I know that 1/25 is .04, so 1/250 is .004, and 1/2500 is .0004. So 5/2500 is .0004 * 5 = .002. That's as close as we need for an order of magnitude.

So if we assume that people are equally distributed across the globe (which is false) and that they pee at random intervals (also false) we see that .2% of the population is peeing at any given time. So we can multiply 6 billion * .002 or do 2 * 6 billion * .001 which is 2* 6 000 000 which is 12 000 000.

12 000 000 people are peeing right now!

Gunther

Gunther stood on one foot, just like he had been instructed.

"Put your hand on your nose and say the alphabet backwards."

His task was already difficult enough, and it certainly didn't help that the alcohol in his stomach was making him nauseous. Gunther took a deep breath and put his hand on his nose. "The. Alphabet. Backwards," Gunther managed to say before he puked.

Felix

Said the toad, "My name is Felix. I am the son of Felix, and the father of Felix. I am born from my own death and have lived this life 10 thousand times over. I have seen you just as many times, and have said this to you just as many times, and after this life I will say all this to you just as many times again. Time is cyclic, and only through me can you find yourself in the next iteration."

Protoneurosis

Here is a flow chart showing the thought process that led up to the title for my blog.

B10 Sketch

The B10 model came fully equipped with sweat modules, but B9-10,000 did not—or else he would’ve been soaked. The B10 model also had auto-sensitive feedbacks that would have allowed it to detect the balance of the gun, and in which chamber the final bullet waited. B9 didn’t have this either. Even so, he had it narrowed down to two. He and the human had both taken two turns each, and now as he held the revolver to his own metallic head, he felt a sort of fear that the B10 model’s updated neural net would never be able to feel: the fear of being erased from existence