Protoneurosis

Don't Look at Me

2011-10-04T06:35:00.001-05:00

Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Oh god, please don't look at me. FUCK! He's Looking Right At Me!!

It's cool, he's blind.

Bathrooms

2011-08-26T16:25:00.002-05:00

I’ve been cleaning the bathroom for days. Every time I take piss, shit, or shower I’m formulating a plan to maximize my cleaning power. I pull the Chlorox foaming action spray out of the safeway bag. It is my secret weapon. Here we go.

I feel like I’m psyching myself out. But here we go anyway, huzzah.

Stereogram Gig Posters

2009-04-04T05:37:00.000-06:00

They're the next thing, man.

New Toy

2009-03-20T18:48:00.002-06:00

Fender Rhodes Mark V (fuck yes)

Under Water Camera Yay Part II

2009-02-08T02:32:00.003-05:00

Love Letter to Patty (excerpt)

2009-01-13T04:51:00.000-05:00

…And when I first met you, Patty, I remember feeling something unexplainable, something overwhelming… it gave me chills. After the Earthquake, I had no idea you were going to be the love of my life.

Dino Riders (Fuck Yes)

2009-01-13T04:05:00.001-05:00

Foreboidous

2008-11-25T05:42:00.000-05:00

Yeah, right?

Note to self

2008-11-14T03:43:00.001-05:00

Drinking Glasses

Canceled Cable

2008-10-13T19:13:00.002-05:00

Holy shit, I finally grew some cojones and canceled cable. This will be the first (extended) time of my life that I've been without cable :-o

Concern 1: Will not be able to watch my favorite shows.
Mitigation: My main shows of interest are The Daily Show, Colbert Report, and the Sarah Connor Chronicles. All of these are available on the intrawebnests.

Concern 2: Will not be able to watch sporting events.
Mitigation: This is a larger concern. Football games should be readily viewable at the local bar, but I know my cavs games won't be. The radio broadcast, however is free. And besides, I could be using most of my sports watching hours to practice music.

I've decided not to sell my TV and Xbox 360. While I don't actively use them, there are the occasional times when a friend wants to play video games or times when I want to watch a movie. Also, my living room would be a bit bare without the giant tv screen in the middle.

We'll see how it goes.

Cut Lip = Suck

2008-10-04T22:34:00.002-06:00

It's Good to be Me

2008-09-25T06:25:00.001-06:00

...found on my bathroom mirror when I first moved into my place just over a year ago--couldn't be closer to the truth.

Seasons are dead to me...

2008-09-22T04:49:00.002-06:00

It didn't even occur to me that autumn had started until I saw it on google.

In Maui we really only have two: The summer when the swell is good on the south side, and the winter when the surf is good on the north side.

...

Oh, and whales are around over the winter.

Happy Birthday, Dad

2008-09-11T06:17:00.001-06:00

Wish you were here...

Could it be?

2008-09-06T05:40:00.000-06:00

Lord I hope so.

Piano Time

2008-08-05T03:31:00.001-06:00

I think I'm on OK saxophone player. I think I can become great piano player... Let's find out.

Esperanza Spalding

2008-08-04T01:29:00.002-06:00

My new crush. My piano-player friend, Joel, turned me on to her. Talk about hip... This is quality quality stuff.

Oh, and did I mention she's a professor at Berklee at 24 years of age?

Cheeseburger in Paradise

2008-07-24T23:11:00.000-06:00

Robot Scorpion

2008-07-10T03:53:00.001-06:00

When I grow up, I want to be this guy:

PWNAGE

2008-06-18T02:46:00.001-06:00

I really wanted to shake that guy's hand, but he probably would have just called me a n00b. :-/

Rahsaan Roland Kirk - Volunteered Slavery

2008-05-27T05:05:00.001-06:00

This is 10 minutes and 25 seconds of awesome--complete with chair-smash ending.

Action Language Academy

2008-05-23T02:37:00.000-06:00

Ok, it's both.

Check it out.

アクション　英会話- "regret"=後悔する

2008-05-23T02:18:00.002-06:00

Wow, I can't tell if these are really English lessons for Japan, or if they're just really, really clever. In either case, it's somehow very, very funny. (I found those searching youtube.com for random Japanese words.)

Yahoo! Answers

2008-04-24T04:24:00.002-06:00

Somehow I got addicted to Yahoo! Answers. It's pretty interesting.

Who knew I'd know how many bombs it takes to destroy India?

Sechskies- Nuh Leul Bo Neh Myuh (As I Let You Go)

2008-03-26T05:55:00.002-05:00

I performed a search for "lol fo realz?" on Google which returned a mere 23 results. I didn't look too thoroughly, but I was disappointed with the results. Here's the best I could manage... sorry.

Close runner up: Young Famillya's Myspace Website

Grandpa

2008-03-26T05:15:00.003-05:00

Four year-old Thomas' grandfather took his cigar out of his mouth, an act so rare that it demanded attention. "Stand up straight, boy."

Thomas flashed a rebellious smirk, and instantly regretted it when his grandfather stood up.

"Before you were born, kid," he said, eyes wide and unblinking, "your great, great, great, great, great grandpa was a monkey." He bent down, swinging his hands from side to side and shaking his head at at Thomas. The scene, in any other circumstance would be comical, but Thomas' grandfather was no comedian and instead, Thomas stood as tall as he could, shaking.

The old man stood up slowly, taking a long draw from his cigar. He blew a smoke ring and continued. "He spent a million years learning to stand erect. You know how important that is, kid? That's the damnedest important! Then we learned to use our hands to do things other than walking, and it opened up a new world of thinking. It wasn't the wheel, Thomas. It wasn't art. Standing erect was the single greatest achievement in the history of mankind, and if you want smirk and say to hell with that, then to hell with you."

Just then, a young woman brushed passed Thomas' grandpa, giving him a quick glare that simply glanced off his cool demeanor, as usual.

A young man followed her and whispered in her ear, "When are we going to take him to the home?"

"Now's not the time," she replied.

She handed Thomas his bible and departed to Sunday School where Thomas learned that 4000 years ago God created mankind and all the things in the world just as we see them today.

Thomas never slouched again.

Dikembe Mutombo

2008-03-20T03:36:00.000-05:00

"What's the name of the store?"
"Pasta Pasta... It was named after pasta."

National Color TV

2008-03-17T05:42:00.002-05:00

That's Milo from Milo and Otis, by the way. I vividly remember watching that movie as a child, but I just discovered that it came from Japan as Oneko Monogatari.

Terminator 2

2008-02-26T03:32:00.002-05:00

I've gotten really into the new Fox series, The Sarah Conner Chronicles. It's pretty damn entertaining. See, it's set as an alternate time line to Terminator 3 that takes place following Terminator 2. Here's a refresher I found for what happened in Terminator 2.

Hiromi - Return of Kung-Fu World Champion

2008-02-24T06:01:00.001-05:00

... Holy Shit.

The Proverbial Big Red Button

2008-02-14T04:29:00.003-05:00

You know I had to buy it. When I did, I got to watch the first few minutes of a local concert thing, Live from the Lawn.

Chuck Hayes - Oh Shit!

2008-02-07T02:12:00.000-05:00

Hahaha, I'd never seen this before. It comes complete with Carlos Boozer yelling "Oh Shit!"

Mood

2008-02-05T06:02:00.001-05:00

I feel like the guy who polishes the guillotine.

Rick Nash!

2008-01-19T05:51:00.000-05:00

Oh god yes...

Under Water Camera Yay

2008-01-08T04:29:00.001-05:00

Thank you, sister.

Christmas in Maui

2007-12-18T23:55:00.000-05:00

Behold, the handy work of Jesse and me.

And thanks to my awesome sister for my Maui-themed Christmas Tree.

Story for my Sister #7

2007-12-18T04:43:00.000-05:00

I was still trying to pat out a few of the wrinkles on my jacket when the elevator doors opened to a reception area. “Hi,” I smiled and waved to the woman sitting behind the desk across the room. Somehow, without raising her eyebrow, the woman gave me the raised-eyebrow look.

The doors started to close but I fumbled my way out just before they shut completely. “Aren’t there supposed to be sensors on that thing?” I looked down at my jacket, acting surprised, “Now my suit’s all wrinkled!”

“Have a seat sir,” she added. And somehow, without rolling her eyes, she gave me the rolling-eyes look.

Just as I found my seat, the door across from me burst open and that familiar face stormed out. This time, however, her expression of quiet contempt had been replaced by teary eyes and flush cheeks. She performed an about face that would make any drill sergeant proud and spoke through clenched teeth, “Fuck. You.”

“Look, sister,” said her addressee who stood just out of sight, “All I’m trying to say here is that it would be a damn shame to see those fine legs go to waste.”

She turned her head and looked directly at me, this time with wide eyes that pleaded for help, and for the first time in my life I felt compelled to reach back and help her. But my life up to this point had largely revolved around me. So I did the best I knew how and looked everywhere except back into her eyes.

In my peripheral vision, though, I saw something break inside her. In the briefest moment she took in an abrupt gasp of air and then bit her lip. She turned back toward the man behind the door, swung her arm with a satisfying slap and stumbled past me and into the elevator, eyes fixated on the ground.

Moonbow

2007-12-17T03:32:00.000-05:00

It's 10:30 and I just saw a fucking moonbow! It was glorious.

It looked just like this one but faintly gray on a pitch-black sky.

Sketch: Conclusion

2007-12-12T07:01:00.000-05:00

An Autobiography.

When he is 50 he starts writing his life story. On his 100th birthday his story catches up to him.

Dexter (on Showtime)

2007-12-10T03:56:00.000-05:00

Long Version:
I try to keep my television watching in check, and I think I do a reasonable job. Somewhere along the line I stopped channel surfing, which is a good thing. These days I just a have a few shows that I watch religiously, and aside from a sports game here or there, I don't watch much TV outside of those programs.

With my HDTV package, though, I get Showtime, and I'm finally realizing that there are some damn good series. It started with my boy James C. getting my into Weeds which was pretty good (he claims the earlier seasons were better). Californication aired in the following time slot, which I thought was a really cool show. But these days I've really gotten into Dexter. I think it's awesome. I've seen most of the second season, and intend to watch the first pretty soon. Here's a clip.

Short Version:
I LIKES TVS AND DESXTER

Story for my Sister #6

2007-12-10T03:42:00.001-05:00

“17 West Park,” she said. “Quickly, please.”

“17 West Park,” I repeated, half out of habit, half because it sounded somehow familiar. I popped the address into the navigation machine and proceeded to ignore its instructions. I knew my way around.

A half an hour later I found out that I did not, in fact, know my way around – something my fare was not shy about pointing out.

“I’m sorry, but are we going to be there soon?” She said.

Before I could answer, the computer chimed in, “You have missed your turn. Turn left at the next light.”

“Look sweetheart, we’re almost there,” I said, staying mostly in my lane as I tried to catch the street names.

She sighed a long, audible sigh. The kind of sigh that exasperated women do to show you that they’re displeased. “Why don’t you just do what the navigation things says?”

“You missed your turn,” said the computer again, on cue, “Please turn around.”

“Look, it wants me to do a U-turn,” I said throwing my hand in the air. The kind of arms throwing I do when I want to show people that I don’t know what the fuck. “Damn computer wants me to break the law.”

“I’m not paying for the extra mileage,” she said as she crossed her arms and turned her entire body away from me to look out the window.

I kept going for a couple more blocks before making a U-turn. A few more turns, a couple around-the-blocks, and just one more U-turn was all it took to arrive at 17 West Park Street.

As soon as I stopped the lady flung open the door retorting, “It’s about time.”

“Twenty-nine-fifty,” I said.

She halted, turned and glared with a look that might turn a caring man to stone. “I’m fifteen minutes late because of you. You should be thankful enough that I’m not having you fired.” She slammed the door and swiftly glided away.

I checked the clock and was shocked to realize that I, too, was fifteen minutes late for my interview. I grabbed a slew of papers from the glove box and fumbled through them to find a crumpled post-it note reading: Third Floor, 17 West Park St. The next thing that came out of my mouth was, “Shit” – the kind of “Shit” that people say when the immediate future looks pretty grim.

The Derek Trucks Band - I Wish I Knew

2007-12-08T08:27:00.000-05:00

My friend Carey got me into Derek Trucks. While Carey's shenanigans kept us from seeing the first two thirds of his concert here, the last few songs that we caught were pretty damn impressive. Here's one of them (gotta love gospel!):

Super Computer

2007-12-05T06:59:00.000-05:00

People are always asking me what exactly I do at work, and often I don't like to talk about it. But here it is, once and for all: I'm building a super computer.

See, back in 2006 Dominick and I discovered a piece of equipment (we found it in a dumpster) that had the potential to be the greatest computational device in the history of the world. I am working on realizing that potential.

Bush/Cheney

2007-12-05T06:26:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while I forget this, but I think it's every American's duty to remember that Dick Cheney shot a man in the face with a shotgun. I mean, come on! How can you forget that. Even better, the man that he shot apologized to him for being shot in the face.

Yeah, normally mixing alcohol and politics is a bad idea, but my friend Carey and I were able to find our commonalities with Cheney shooting someone in the face. And while we agreed that living under the Bush administration has been pretty terrible and depressing, we also agreed that it wasn't without its amusement. Here's some of that:

OkCupid

2007-12-04T06:54:00.000-05:00

All right, so I've used this dating website called OkCupid on and off for a while with a little success. Unfortunately, because people out here on Maui live in caves and depend on an intricate network of yarn and tin cans to communicate (which doesn't provide an adequate bandwidth for internets), OkCupid has become useless. That is, except for entertainment.

After some interesting discussion with my good friend Ed, I've decided to just go around and be a general jackass to people. I know it's not original, but it's a good exercise nonetheless. I'll be logging the highlights here for my own amusement.

Here's my current profile that I'm not afraid to say I'm a bit proud of:

My self-summary

A wise man once said think up and down while moving left and right. People would ask, but what about forward and back, and he would say, "Well, that is up to you." Those are the words I live by. I don't really know what they mean, so trying to live by them is rather difficult. I just have to take it day by day.

I consider myself somewhat liberal, and I don't believe the media is liberally biased. I am a dog person, but I like cats too! Don't ask me about either of these things, please.

When the days are long I don't get much done. When the days are short, it's usually because I slept for so long.

I'm putting sleep here because I don't imagine many people are interested in slept.

Sometimes I like to smoke cigarettes, other times I like to drink coffee. Most of the time I do neither of these things.

My personality awards

What I'm doing with my life

I done graduated college, and somehow I ended up on Maui. While can't say exactly what I do, I'll just lie and say I build robots.

I'm really good at

I'm really good at getting flat tires, and because of this I've gotten really good at changing tires. I wouldn't say I'm an expert, but I bet I could hold my own on a pit crew in Indianapolis. Just last night I had this crazy dream where Dale Earnhardt came to me as an angel and said solemnly "Had you only been on my team... had you only been on my team." I cried a little as he climbed up onto his saddle and rode off toward the sunset on his triceratops.

I'm pretty good at shooting targets with a pistol, honest! In my hayday (last year) I made it up to the NRA sanctioned ranked of Sharpshooter Bar 9. The art of pistol shooting, for me anyway, is a relaxing and meditative experience. Perhaps this is because I fire exclusively from traditional yoga positions.

Oh, I play saxophone, too.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me

Now that I've thought about this question more thoroughly I'd say that what people first notice about me depends on the context.

For example, when I'm jogging people probably think, "He's fast!"

When I'm on the highway I think the first thing that comes to people's minds is, "Holy shit, there's a dude walking around on the highway!"

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

(A) 1984, American Gods

(B) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Donnie Darko, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Layer Cake

(D) Steak, Pie, But definitely not Steak Pie

The six things I could never do without

In the words of Don Redman, "A man needs only three things: Something to eat, somewhere to sleep, and someone to fuck."

If I double those, that gives me two things to eat, two places to sleep, and two people to fuck.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

This question is best answered by distinguished scholar William Alston.

"Think long. Think hard. Don't think about last night."

On a typical Friday night I am

Look for me at a bar! Wooo.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit here

I listen to Bjork. I'm also attracted to her. X-O

You should message me if

Hey, message me! Just don't ask me about those things that I asked you not to ask me about. Thanks.

Planck's Principle

2007-11-29T02:04:00.000-05:00

Here in Maui I learn something new and interesting just about every day. This, I could have learned just as well anywhere else:

Cheetos, Easy Mac, and a Snickers bar for lunch lead to diarrhea for dinner.

Celtics 104, Cavs 109

2007-11-28T04:39:00.000-05:00

So sure, the Celtics are still the team to beat in the East, but James made it clear that he’s conceding nothing to the shiny magazine covers and gaudy press clippings of Boston’s new Big Three. He is bigger, stronger and better. After beating the Celtics, he walked out of the Q with a snarl on his lips and a chip on his shoulder. LeBron James surrenders nothing.

Well said, Adrian Wojnarowski, well said.

Give me something...

2007-11-24T04:12:00.001-05:00

Give me anything.

Shitty Bar Life Sketch Thinger

2007-11-23T04:39:00.000-05:00

It was one of those nights. It was the kind of night where the bartender is heavy handed, but the body mysteriously becomes immune to alcohol. It was the sort of night when everyone around and everyone but you is having the time of their lives. The kind of night where a thousand eternities pass between each ker-chunk of the uncaring minute hand on the clock above the tap. For me, every night was becoming one of those nights...

Maui Kind of Thinking

2007-11-22T00:05:00.000-05:00

So I was heading down from the mountain the other day, half asleep, when someone mentioned Best Buy. I thought about joining in on the conversation, but instead I sat there, eyes closed, in a 15 minute fantasy about being in Best Buy. I thought about all the cds, the movies, the computers the TVs... I saw my self looking at cameras, and trying out the games. It was awesome.

I can't wait to go to a Best Buy when I get back home.

Ant and the Aardvark

2007-11-19T04:45:00.000-05:00

So I was just meemin' and a post by Jennifer reminded me of a cartoon I vaguely remembered seeing as a child. Being the master of the internet I am, I was able to find it!

Hermann von Helmholtz

2007-11-19T04:05:00.000-05:00

"Arriving in the nick of time means nothing if you do not also arrive in the nick of place."

Hermann von Helmholtz

Shout out to Angelika

2007-11-19T03:32:00.000-05:00

Insomniacs are a tight group of people. I remember my days of being an insomniac, cruising the far reaches of the internets, wondering around the city before dawn, chain-smoking. It's rare, but sometimes we meet in real life, and other times we meet in cyber-life which is sometimes as real as it gets for us. But virtually every such person I've met has been super-cool, and Angelika is no exception.

She makes ridiculous posts like this. I wonder if it's one of the medical shows. God knows what's on TV when she's awake.

Check out her blog.

Story for my Sister #5

2007-11-07T02:58:00.000-05:00

Click here for the first bit of the story!

Being a taxi driver wasn’t so bad at all. It gave me an opportunity to really see the city, and just as I had hoped, introduced me to a lot of people I would have never met. And while my aggressive driving style and innovative routes afforded me little money in tips, I was still making minimum wage, which was enough to keep Larry happy.

--

The following Tuesday was my big day. I woke up at 6 am sharp, went back to bed, and slept through my first interview.

When 9 am rolled around I finally got out of bed, showered, shaved, and put on my finest suit, a little wrinkled from laying balled-up behind Larry’s recliner. I put on a little Old Spice, winked at myself in the mirror, and left.

My aptitude for overlooking potential patrons made my job pretty easy, and this day was no different. After a largely uneventful morning I dropped off one last fare with a “fuck you, too, pal,” grabbed some fast food, and camped out in my cab at the city’s main park where I could check out the women while I nourished myself. I figured I’d relax a bit before heading over to my job interview, wherever it was.

I was just finishing up when a stunningly beautiful lady dressed in business attire came half-running toward my car, waving her arm back and forth.

As I licked the last drops of sweet teriyaki sauce from my fingertips, she tap-tap-tapped on the passengers’ window. With my unsoiled pinky finger I pushed a switch to crack the window open. “Hey there. How are you doing?” I smiled.

The woman bent down to look at me through the window, brushed some of her blond, dislodged hair from her face, and let words pour through her mouth. My attention, however, had been fully taken by the view she had provided me with her bent over posture. I tried squinting my eyes to see if I could make out more detail in the darkness.

“Ah hem!” she put her arm over her chest. “I said fast.”

“Uh…” I brought my eyes back up to hers, “I’m off duty.”

“Your light’s on.”

“Oh!” I tried to sound surprised, “Thank you.” I turned off the light on top of my car, rolled up the window, and pretended she wasn’t there.

I half-expected her to bang on the window obnoxiously, as other would-be customers had done, but instead she did a 180 and leaned up against the car. My first notion was to hit the windshield washer button, but then it occurred to me that maybe this was some clever way of coming on to me.

A nagging woman’s voice—the kind that sounds just as rough and noisy in person—came over the radio and ended the mystery. “Car 695, you have a fare waiting at Montgomery Park.”

“I’m on break,” I whispered into the receiver.

I watched in disgust as the woman outside spoke into her cell phone, bent over, with her face up to the window.

“Car 695, she says you are finished.”

I couldn’t help but sigh. Then I decided I had to make my stand. “Well, she’s a god damn liar.”

“Car 695, I highly suggest you pick that woman up… now.” Normally I’m not one to give into bullying, but there was something in her voice, possibly hidden in its raspy undertones as a subliminal message, that seemed to say, If you do not do as I say, I will hunt you down, tie you to a rock, and every morning, with my foot, I will make you wish you did not have testicles.

“Copy that,” I said without enthusiasm. I unlocked the doors and the woman outside plopped down with the grin of a child who’s just gotten her way.

“17 West Park,” she said. “Quickly, please.”

Ted Haggard

2007-11-05T03:26:00.001-05:00

"The Flowers, they grow so tall... And then I pluck them."

John McCain to Smith & Wesson

2007-10-31T02:07:00.000-05:00

"I will follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell and I will shoot him with your products."

Thanks Mr. Colbert. That is awesome.

Mine Eyes!

2007-10-28T05:28:00.001-05:00

People tell me I have beautiful eyes... Decide for yourself.

(Thanks Ms. Ayabe)

Cavs III

2007-10-16T02:57:00.001-05:00

Let's look at the upcoming guards Shannon Brown and Daniel Gibson.

Shanon Brown

Shannon Brown caused a bit of a stir early last year with the Cavs in dire need of a point guard that could set up Lebron. Of course, expectations weren't terribly high for the first-year, but his injuries really led to disappointment. His performance in the D-league, and lately in the summer league and preseason look promising, but I think he's still got a ways to go. This sis going to be a big development season for Shannon, but I don't expect him to be a huge contributor this season. Still, it'll be interesting to see what he does.

Daniel Gibson

One thing I didn't expect was for this kid to step up and make the contributions he did toward the end of last season. As I said above, I was excited for Shannon Brown, but I think Boobie really stepped up and raised some eyebrows. He shot an impressive 42 percent from behind the arc during the season, and a respectable 41 percent from the rest of the floor. What really blew everyone's mind, though, was this rookie's un-rookie-like performance in the playoffs, shooting 43 percent from the field, and a cool 40 percent from behind the arc. And who can forget his 31 point performance against the pistons in the Eastern Conference Finals, last year, against the gate-keepers: The Detroit Pistons?

There's a lot to be excited about, but this season I am super-pumped to see what Daniel Gibson is going to do. I think he's going to have one hell of a season opening up the inside for Lebron and helping to set him up.

Initiation

2007-10-15T03:47:00.001-05:00

If buying my board was the first step toward become a surfer, getting cut up was the next. I've still got a long ways to go, though.

Cavs II

2007-10-06T03:26:00.000-06:00

Two players, Anderson Varejao and Sasha Pavlovic still have not signed contracts with the Cavs for the upcoming season. They (or their agents) think so strongly that they deserve a big chunk of change that they're threatening to play euroball. Here's why we need them and why they don't deserve the money they're asking for.

Sasha Pavlovic

Sasha's been with the team for several seasons, now, but last year was a big break-out season for him. He really developed his ability to drive to the hole, and surprisingly also had a decent jump-shot. While the announcers harped constantly about his statement "My offense is my defense," it really was his offense that he brought to struggling team. So once he got his defense in order, Sasha became a crucial piece of the Cav's post-season run.

That said, he's still got a long way to go. Mainly, he sometimes seems to be out of control which results in turn-overs. These turn-overs happen at crucial moments. Maybe someday in the future Sasha will be worth 5 million a year, but right now he's not even close. Have fun in Europe, Sasha--unless you think better.

Anderson Varejao

The season before last I became very excited about this fellow and where he was going. He's been labeled an "energy guy" with good reason. When he comes off the bench, the intensity level goes up a notch. I remember an awesome scene where he was frustrating Spur's star, Tim Duncan. They stood nose to nose, not speaking, but just staring each other down. This is why we love Andy, because he can frustrate people.

He can also draw charges like no one else, regardless of how much Bill Walton whines about it.
While I'm sure Andy always has taking charges in mind, I don't think he's just 'flopping.' At least not last season. In any case, though, such a defensive presence is excellent.

The offense is a little different. One of the things I was excited about a few seasons ago was how good this kid might be if he really developed his offense. Indeed, he is developing it, and last season was far better than the last, but he has a long, long road to travel. As of last season, he had way too many "what the fuck were you thinking?" moments. Every time Andy puts the ball on the floor I cringe, and whenever he puts it on the floor he's totally committed to putting it up sooner or later. Even worse, he insists on taking open mid-range jump shots. That's just not smart. I mean, I support him trying to develop his offense, but that's not something you practice in game--especially taking a pass from Lebron in the NBA and going for the game winning shot instead of giving it back to him. What the fuck, Andy?

I love Andy, and he's valuable, but he's got an impressively long road to traverse before he's worth that 10 million dollars a year he's asking for. Have fun in Europe, man.

My Street

2007-10-01T21:25:00.000-06:00

One day I walked out my front door, looked to up the street, and saw this.

The following day I saw the same thing.

Cavs

2007-09-30T04:39:00.001-06:00

I'm so pumped for the next season of basketball. Since it doesn't start for another month, I figure I can satisfy my craving by writing about the Cavs. Here's my take on their situation for the new season.

Eric Snow

Eric Snow was brought into Cleveland along with Lebron and has been a valuable player in the development of the team. But at this point, the Cavs have really outgrown him. His hard-nosed defense is top-notch, but his offense is virtually non-existent. That said, he's still an integral part of the team and I think his role is going to be coming off the bench to keep everything in order while the James gang takes a breather. Additionally the entire team benefits from his leadership and veteran experience.

Donyell Marshall

An on going story at the Q has been the search for a shooter to take pressure off Lebron. I remember being excited when Donyell came to Cleveland, but I just don't think he's been able to produce as expected. His three point percentage is all right at 35 percent for the season, but he just doesn't seem to come through when we need him. And each year he seems to be really excited because he's worked on his inside game to take him back to his glory days, but each year it's the same old Donyell. I don't mind him, but I wouldn't mind losing him either.

I'll look at Sasha Pavlovic and Anderson Varejao next time.

Surf's up

2007-09-24T02:20:00.000-06:00

Here's my first time surfing:

And here's my new baby:

Those Who Trespass

2007-09-12T20:58:00.000-06:00

Oh man, Bill O'Reilly is almost as funny as Stephen Colbert... It's just not intentional.

It's old news, but it's new to me.

Here's the plot.

Today

2007-08-21T05:18:00.000-06:00

Today was good day. I mean, it was a fucking good day. And this is coming from someone who always has a good day--but today was amazing. Go Today! Let's hope tomorrow can live up to today.

The Truth About Strawberry Milk

2007-08-19T02:39:00.000-06:00

Ok, ok. Originally I wanted to complain about the new anti-tobacco ad where some kid implies that tobacco companies claim that milk is more dangerous than smoking. He's referring to a comment made, if I'm not mistaken, in the 1990's. Oh well, it's not anymore stupid than the rest of their anti-smoking commercials.

Anyways, I was trying to find the commercial on youtube which led me to this, which is one of the greatest things I've ever found there.

Bluesette

2007-08-15T01:44:00.000-06:00

Wrap your ears around this. Toots Thielemans and Stevie Wonder.

Three Views of a Secret

2007-08-08T01:15:00.001-06:00

I had known Jaco Pastorius was an amazing writer, but I'd never heard of the legendary Toots Thielemans before. He's awesome. Take a listen:

Exploring the Internets

2007-08-08T00:12:00.000-06:00

Today's search is "I hate toilets." In particular, we're looking here for this as a stand alone sentence. We don't want people who hate toilets when they're wet, or people who hate toilets with wooden seats. We're looking for people who hate toilets, end of story.

Perhaps something like:
What's with toilets? I hate toilets. I mean, I fucking hate toilets. God damn it!

Car Playlist - July '07

2007-07-30T01:21:00.000-06:00

1 - Miles Davis, Bitches' Brew Disc 1
2 - Miles Davis, Bitches' Brew Disc 2
3 - Sonny Rollins, Saxophone Colossus
4 - Weather Report, Black Market
5 - Hank Mobley, Soul Station
6 - Galactic, Coolin' Off

Jaco Pastorius - Soul Intro - The Chicken

2007-07-29T05:24:00.000-06:00

Othello Molineaux is awesome.

Beam Report #14

2007-07-26T04:22:00.000-06:00

p. 755 4th full paragraph. Rose beams at Albus.

Beam Report #13

2007-07-26T04:16:00.003-06:00

p. 747 Final paragraph. Portraits beam at Harry.

Beam Report #12

2007-07-26T03:43:00.000-06:00

p. 725 2nd full paragraph. Dumbledore beams at Harry.

Beam Report #12

2007-07-26T03:22:00.000-06:00

p. 707 Next to final paragraph. Dumbledore beams at Harry.

Beam Report #11

2007-07-26T01:55:00.000-06:00

p. 645 5th full paragraph. Draco beams at Harry.

Beam Report #10

2007-07-26T00:20:00.001-06:00

p. 572 Next to final paragraph. Neville beams at Harry, Hermione, and Ron.

Beam Report #9

2007-07-25T03:04:00.000-06:00

p. 515 Next to final paragraph. Lupin is still beaming at everyone.

Beam Report #8

2007-07-25T03:03:00.001-06:00

p. 515 3rd full paragraph. Lupin beams at Bill.

Beam Report #7

2007-07-25T03:01:00.000-06:00

p. 514 Next to final paragraph. Lupin beams at everyone.

Beam Report #6

2007-07-25T01:37:00.000-06:00

p. 444 2nd full paragraph. Harry, Ron, and Hermione beam at... a radio?

Beam Report #5

2007-07-25T01:29:00.000-06:00

p. 438 8th full paragraph. Ron beams at Hermione and Harry.

Beam Report #4

2007-07-25T01:10:00.000-06:00

p. 425 6th full paragraph. Hermione beams at Harry and Ron.

Beam Report #3

2007-07-24T02:40:00.000-06:00

p. 333 3rd full paragraph. Harry beams at Hermione.

Beam Report #2

2007-07-23T01:37:00.000-06:00

p. 107 Final paragraph. Monsieur Delacour beams at Mrs. Weasley.

Beam Report #1

2007-07-22T04:28:00.000-06:00

p. 45 3rd full paragraph. Harry beams at group.

Rizainbow

2007-07-21T01:34:00.000-06:00

I understand why there's a rainbow on my license plate and drivers license, now. This is the third one of seen so far.

Wha!

2007-07-19T02:33:00.000-06:00

It's hard to tell in these pictures, but the two cars above have license plates from New Hampshire and Vermont. I took both of these pictures today, about 4 hours apart. At first I was surprised, but this quickly evaporated into suspicion. Just what were two cars from so far away doing in the same place.

It's all in the geography.

Story for my Sister #4

2007-07-14T05:58:00.000-06:00

The last thing she said to me as I stood at her apartment door staring it her stupidly was, “Have a nice life.” I continued to stare for a few moments after she slammed the door, and finally stumbled backwards in disbelief. Eventually I’d have to figure out how to get my belongings out of the hallway, and possibly more importantly, where I would take them. First though, my mind was in dire need of a jump start that was not forthcoming.
Instead, abstract visions of the woman on the other side of the door swirled through my head, garbled against meaningless memories and short strings of thought that all seemed to come to the same abrupt dead end. As more and more intangible ideas sprung forth in my mind, the barrage of images came faster and faster until I had become so overcome that I fell back into the wall where I slid down onto the floor.

--

Normally when I open my eyes to a long pair of legs in black thigh highs I get a little excited, but when I woke up and saw my ex-girlfriend towering above me I was nearly overwhelmed with indifference. Apparently I had fallen asleep where she left me the night before, and when she found me her only words were, “You’re pathetic,” to which I so gracefully replied, “No, you’re pathetic.” With a short “Pf” she left.
I had dated this woman for a lot of reasons: her looks, sex… ok, two reasons, but certainly not for her intelligence. A few giggles rose up from my gut when I pulled out my apartment key. It only took a few minutes to get all my things inside, and after a long nap on the couch I finally got around to calling up one of my friends, Larry.
“Just like that, huh,” Larry said after my shocking recount of the events.
“Yeah,” I said, “I was like, ‘you bitch, I don’t even want to live with you any more. I’m outta’ here.’" And that’s all there was.
“But you’re in the apartment now?” he asked.
“Well… yeah.” I waited for him to respond, but he didn’t. “Anyways, I need a place to stay.”
“Isn’t it your apartment?” asked Larry.
“Hey, you’re right!” I stood up in excitement. “Man, why didn’t I think of that! You’re the man, Larry!”
“That’s my job, bro.”
--
By five o’ clock I had moved all my stuff back into the apartment and her stuff into the hallway. I had just enough time to kick back on the sofa and watch some TV before she came barging in. “What the hell is this shit!” she yelled so loud that a few of my Lord of the Rings figurines I had put on the table fell down.
“You think you’re all high and mighty,” I said, not bothering to get up to look at her, “But you forgot one thing. This is my apartment.”
“You’re an idiot!” she said, storming through the place like a drill sergeant. “The lease is in my name!”
Was she lying? I couldn’t tell. “Yeah right, then why is it my apartment?” I said, not entirely sure of what I meant.
“I’m calling the police.”
--
“Hey, what’s up,” said Larry, “Did you give that bitch what’s coming to her?”
“Uh, yeah,” I said. “I really told her off, but, uh, look. I need you to come downtown and bail me out of jail.”

--

“Hey,” I said, collapsing onto Larry’s couch, “Thanks a lot, man.”
He threw me a beer and plopped down beside me. “Hey, no problem. You can crash here as long as you need. Besides, you would have done the same for me, right?”
I tried to run the scenario through my head, but came to no conclusions. “Sure man,” I said anyways.
Larry took a gulp from his beer and made a long Ahhh sound. “Yeah, so did you have to call off from work today?”
Because I hadn’t called off from work, my first instinct was to say, “Fuck,” but instead I said, “God fucking damn shit fuck.”
“Hey, it’s cool man,” Larry said, flipping vacantly through the TV channels. “They’ll probably understand. Just tell them what happened, tomorrow.”
--
On the short drive to work my attention was split fairly evenly between the visor mirror and the road. Despite running a red light and almost running down a kid on a bicycle, I did manage to come up with a somber face that would make even the meanest of bullies ask me what’s wrong.
Once I arrived at the office, I took a deep breath and strode in.
It wasn’t until Millie, the secretary, greeted me that I realized I’d forgotten to come up with a story. “Good morning,” she said, “Is something wrong?”
“Hey, Millie,” I said, “Yeah, I uh, ummm.”
Fortunately my boss, Dave, caught sight of me and interrupted. Not-so-fortunately, he was pissed. “Where the hell were you, yesterday!” he bellowed.
“My grandfather passed away,” I said, contorting my face to look even more solemn.
His eyes narrowed and his face turned blood red. “Your grandfather died last month!”
“Other side of the family,” I tried to thinking about bunnies getting slaughtered, or the last time I played the lottery and lost. The tears were on their way, but still needed some time. “Look, it’s just really hard for me right now, ok?”
Dave was fuming now as he closely examined me from head to toe. I’m sure he knew I was lying, but my story was without flaw. And soon came the first tears.
As our standoff continued, one of my co-workers came by and put his arm around my back. “Hey,” he said, “I don’t know what’s got you so bummed out, but your grandpa’s on line 1. Wants to know if you want to go to the ball game tonight.”
I hastily picked up the phone from the secretary's desk. “Grandpa!” I said as ecstatically into the phone as I could, not really paying attention to what he was saying. “You’re alive! The doctors said you died! … They even put you in the morgue?! … No! … Yeah … Yeah! A miracle! Wow! … Ok, well, I’m glad to hear you’re alive but I really have to get to work, so I’ll talk to you later! … I love you too, Grandpa. Bye.”
“Did you hear that!” I said to everyone, “He’s alive after all!”
Dave put his fist through the drywall.

--

“Hey man,” Larry said to me one night while we were watching Golden Girls, “It’s cool if you want to crash here, and I don’t mind if we share food, but maybe you should get a job, you know? Maybe pay for some of the food you eat, or even a little rent?”

“Larry,” I said in despair, “I thought we were friends to the end. You know if I had a place you’d be there eating my food.”

Larry frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but I interrupted, “Ok, ok. I’ll look for a job tomorrow.” It wasn’t understanding that led me to say that, but rather gears turning in my head revealing the wondrous job opportunities that I might seize.

I saw myself saving babies from burning buildings, driving stunt cars through storefronts, and patrolling the White House grounds for ninjas. Professional boob-jiggler sealed the deal.

“You’re a real friend, man,” he said.

I made a shh noise at him and pointed to the television where Rose was about to make an awfully humorous comment.

--

Much to my dismay, I could not find an opening for boob-jiggler. Instead I had to settle for submitting my resume to the fire department, the local minor league baseball team, a slew of desk jobs, and a random assortment I called ‘other.’

The fire department was more than willing to take me on, but only if I went through some sort of training program. When I asked them why I had to do so much training to be the designated baby and attractive woman rescuer, the official decided that our conversation did not need to continue.

When the baseball team called, I just couldn’t get into the coach’s head how my extensive knowledge of database programming would give me a distinct advantage at the plate. That conversation ended with the coach threatening to “beat my face in with an aluminum bat, dickhead.”

Most of the calls for the other jobs went similarly, but I did score a couple interview. Even better, I won over the manager of a taxicab company with my fluency in English. I’d always wanted to be a taxi driver—ever since I got the job.

Haleakala Highway

2007-07-08T17:02:00.000-06:00

Māui’s next feat is to stop the sun from moving so fast. His mother Hina complains that her kapa (bark cloth) is unable to dry because the days are so short. Māui climbs to the mountain Hale-a-ka-lā (house of the sun) and lassoes the sun’s rays as the sun comes up, using a rope made from his sister's hair (in some versions, her pubic hair)[1]. The sun pleads for life and agrees that the days shall be long in summer and short in winter (Pukui, Elbert, & Mookini 1974:36).

- wikipedia

Weather

2007-07-06T23:17:00.001-06:00

The weather in Kihei is pretty consistent...

Kihei

2007-07-04T01:10:00.000-06:00

I live way over there.

Tommy Lee Jones

2007-06-30T16:01:00.000-06:00

Oh, speaking of Boss, Trent was lucky enough to catch one of Tommy Lee Jones's commercials on one of the last nights we were in Japan. Here are some of the better ones.

Kihei Resort

2007-06-30T12:28:00.001-06:00

So here are some pictures of the place I'm living in now. It's pretty damn nice, and it's going to be a bummer when I have to move out.

Oh, and milk really is about 8 bucks a gallon. $7.69 yesterday, to be exact.

Tsukiji Fish Market

2007-06-24T11:03:00.000-06:00

These pictures were taken at the largest wholesale fish market in the world.

Sonpo 24

2007-06-21T03:55:00.001-06:00

Here's some commercials we've been seeing on Japanese TV.

Alcohol is a Universal Language

2007-06-20T19:48:00.000-06:00

What do people in Tokyo like?

2007-06-19T02:33:00.000-06:00

They like Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Johnny Depp.

Japanese People Love Steve

2007-06-18T07:19:00.001-06:00

The picture above was taken outside the Imperial Palace.

This guy noticed something out of the ordinary.

This woman informed us that she had a baby inside her.

Boss

2007-06-18T07:12:00.000-06:00

Suntory BOSS is the boss of them all since 1992.

I wonder if they refer to him as Boss when he comes to Japan.